Wait for it...

wait for it...



there it is...

The reddest, angriest, baby in the whole wide world.

Hold on a sec...

Daddy making fun - erm...- soothing her...

Yikes....

It's been one of those weeks...

But, look at that face...so dang cute!

Just hold her

My quiet time in the mornings used to be ritual. My day wouldn't start until I read the Bible and write in my journal. These days - I try to have quiet time at least 4-5 days a week. The past few days I've made it a point to really sit down and pray. It's always amazing what happens when you make time for God and with Him.

With the days being structured around Iz's feedings and her naps - everything else just kind of works its way into our days. Maybe I get to the laundry, maybe I get to the store, maybe I get to nap...maybe is the word around here these days.

So, the past few days I've been praying for God just to work in my life how He wants to. I'm guilty of asking for things that I want and not really asking for God to reveal to me what He wants. With the days so unpredictable, I decided to let God give me His list of things to do. And on His list for me the past few days:

"Just hold her. Hold your daughter."

Izzy is normally a great napper. The past few days she's been extra fussy and really just wants to be held. I would get tired of holding her and put her in her Boppy and stick her paci in her mouth so I could get "more important" things done - like ironing, cleaning, paying bills.

But I was proven wrong - again. With Isabelle changing every second, these are the times I need to stop and enjoy her. I need to hold my sweet girl because even how she feels in my arms changes from moment to moment. What a great revelation God showed me and how thankful I am He did before I blinked and she's all grown up.

Just this morning I woke up to the sounds of my babbling 6 week baby. I looked down at a changed girl. She sprouted over night and looks "older." Her face has changed, her body is longer, her arms and legs move stronger, her cries sound different, her eyes more expressive. She's a little heavier, cheeks fuller - my Angel faced baby girl is growing up.

It's so cliche and everyone says it - but time truly does fly. I don't understand why I thought - think- there is so much more to do that is so much more important than being a mother to her. I've been blessed to be able to stay at home with her full time - for at least awhile. I know I can't get this time back. I just look at her and try to make memories. I try to capture her baby features and imprint them on my heart.

Thank God for His message to me. Thank God for showing me today - the most important thing I have to do above all else is to "just hold her..."

Confessions of a first time parent

I was absolutely the BEST parent...before I had kids.

I was that girl that would look at other mothers and fathers and make judgments about how they parent their children.

I would think to myself..."when I'm a mother..."

Man, was I wrong - on all counts.

Some things about parenthood I never knew or thought I knew then was quickly corrected

1. If you say you'll never do something - you'll probably end up doing it. This is disgusting. Izzy has an unhealthy addiction to her Binky. Before her, I didn't want my child to use a pacifier. If she needed to be soothed, I could do it...there was NO way I was going to cut corners and stick a paci in my baby's mouth. HA! Now - it's a lifesaver to stop her from wailing. The other day - I dropped it on the floor in my kitchen - she was wailing as usual - and instead of really washing it - I dunked it in my glass of water and stuck it back in her mouth. Gross....

2. Breastfeeding was really, really, really difficult for me at first. I wanted to start formula pretty much after her little gums clamped on my 'reola. But, I stuck it out because it was best for her. I was pretty private about breastfeeding in the hospital and would have everyone leave the room when it was time to nurse. Now - 5 weeks into this motherhood thing - if you're in the room and it's time for Izzy to eat - be ready to see the ladies - large and in charge.

3. I couldn't believe it when mother's who stayed at home would let their houses go to the crapper. I KNEW when I was a mom and stayed at home - my house would be spic and span. I would think - "they have all this time! Their baby just sleeps all day - all they need to do is clean while their little one sleeps...they must be lazy." These days - my tile floors now have a layer of dog hair and dirt that I am starting to grow fond of, my stovetop has become best friends with the grease layer that sits on it, and I've let my dogs be my vacuum for crumbs that "accidentally" end up on the floor. I realized pretty much after day one that the key to a mother's happiness is napping with their baby and all that matters is a happy mom and not a clean house.

4. Getting "ready" to leave the house takes at least 45 minutes longer than it used to. Babies have a lot of accessories, you can't time when they'll have a dirty diaper, spit up all over themselves and need a costume change - and then the whole process of mom getting ready - that's a whole other issue. I finally get it why some mom's are always 20 minutes behind...it's just how it is.

5. Crying, screaming babies don't care where they are. I used to look at mom's who's kids would fuss - GASP! - in public and think "they just aren't in tune with their child's needs..." Yeah right! I look at my little one when she's throwing a fit and don my invisible "I don't care what you think about me - I can't help it if she's crying and wailing in public" cape - and just do my best to keep her screams to a minimum.

Oh yeah....I knew it all. And then I became a mom and realized - I knew nothing and continue to learn every moment. It's great, it's challenging, and it's the hardest job in the whole world.

Oh Em Gee...(edited for our younger audiences)

I was watching Izzy sleep last night. It's one of the things I love to do. I take in all of her features day to day because I know she changes every minute.

Craig was sitting next to me, his arm around his main girl (me!), and his gaze at his best girl (Iz!).

I looked at him and looked at Izzy and said, "I don't understand it. Even when she has been screaming for hours, I've had no sleep, and Ive completely lost it...not once have I ever thought of hurting her. I don't get how parents or anyone can hurt a baby or a child."

Craig looked at me and I could tell he was thinking the same thing.

Then he said, "I know what you mean. It's like when people do "it" with animals."

Ummmm...WHAT?????

My face looked like Izzy's face when she's doing #2...completely and totally lost and confused.

I guess he realized what he said made no sense. So he followed up with this...

Craig, " You know. Hurting a kid and doing "it" with an animal. People are crazy."

OH EM GEEE...

If you were a fly on my wall

you'd be laughing your wings off...

I am so very blessed to be surrounded by family that at a moment's notice is willing to watch Izzy for a couple of hours if need be.

Today was no exception.

Yesterday was a tough day for Iz and I. We had no sleep and going to the grocery store was the last thing on my mind. I know you're thinking..."why not send Craig?"

I'm sure he'd do a great job - but he doesn't have the patience for price comparing, coupon hunting, and brand deciding that I do. I'd send him with a list that would include flat leaf parsley, arugula, and saffron - and he'd get tired head just walking into the produce and spice section.

Anyhoo...my mother in law was coming over today at 11am to watch Izzy while I ran to the store. Hmm...Mission Impossible - task 1...here we go...

What does that mean?

Well - since I had to go out in public, that meant I had to shower. Not to look presentable - ha! - getting makeup on this face and dusting off my blow dryer and hair straightener - yeah right - it meant I had to at least shower and get the dried, spit up smell out of my hair (this whole not taking care of myself is a whole other post - poor Craig..sorry...I digress...) I normally get into the shower around 3:30 PM - just before Craig gets home from work...and only because I don't want him to see me in the same nursing tank top and work out shorts that I had on the night before. I'm trying to keep the romance alive, people!

Mission Impossible - "If I so chose to take it - shower and get dressed with a baby who was wide awake."

Plan A - put baby in swing and hurry and shower. Put baby monitor by the sink and listen to Izzy in case she goes ballistic.

Scratch Plan A - I used the swing as my diversion while I picked up the house this morning and she was over the swing and screamed bloody murder when I tried putting her back in it.

Plan B - put baby in Boppy on King size bed in bedroom peak out of shower a couple of times to make sure I see a hand move or foot kick...(ok - no need to lecture me and please don't call CPS)

Plan B it was. She hearts her Boppy so this was it.

I cleared off the bed and put the Boppy in the middle of the bed. Propped Iz in it and put pillows by her feet so she couldn't scoot down.

Ok - she's snoozy. This is going to work!

I start the shower, peel off the clothes, apply the Lanolin to my ________, and brush my teeth.

Hop in the shower. Getting a good lather going and starting to sing an "Ace of Base" song when...

Uh oh - I hear Iz start to whimper. Ok - it's not an actual cry - just the typical whiney, I'm bored, come pick me up sound. I'm good...

or so I thought...

Then it came - the siren wail. The cries accompanied by loud hiccups because she can't contain it.

Crap....hurry and rinse off.

I hop out and start to dry off. I look at the bed and my baby is not in the Boppy. Instead - there is a bright, red, screaming, crying machine with arms and legs a flailing.

Crap...hurry and try to dry off.

I start to put in my contacts when all of a sudden the cries stop. Not because she's calmed down but because she is so mad that now we've reached the point where there's silence because she's holding her breath.

Crap...run over to her with my towel on and pick her up. She's pissed that I've gotten her wet. I would have put her down but we've had episodes where she holds her breath so I was scared she was going to do it.

I'm drying off, holding Iz, trying to put on my nursing tank (which all you breast feeders know what a task that is if the straps aren't hooked), trying to just put on clothes in general.

I start to panic. One of my eyes is really blurry. I'm thinking the Dove soap has blinded me and now I'm going to have to live my life with only one good eye, I'll have to hire a driver to take me places and I'll have to wear an eye patch to see normally.

I run to the sink and start to splash water in my eye to rinse out the "soap" I'm sure is in it. I'm still half dressed, with a crying baby....and you know what a crying baby does to lactating breastesses.....

Crap....it's not working - the Dove soap has blinded me...

Or...I forgot to put in the other contact lens...

A day in the life of a new mother....

But, this story has a happy ending. I got dressed, Iz calmed down, and I got to go to the grocery store.

Exciting times, I tell ya!

P.S.
Congrats to one of my best friends, Ashley! Her and her husband Clay welcomed Owen King on July 9th! He is such a cutie.

One of those days

Poor baby....poor Mommy...

We celebrated Isabelle's 1 month birthday with lots of tears, tons of fussiness, and lots of screaming.

Breastfeeding is a really sweet time between mother and child....unless of course mother eats something that child really doesn't agree with.

Izzy's bitty belly doesn't like: any kind of bean, ice cream, caffeine of any kind (so chocolate must be kept to a minimum if any at all), edamame, and lastly nuts.

Nuts are the latest culprit and have turned my sweet Angel into a howling, crying, grumpy baby. Her lower lip pouts, she turns red, her face scrunches, and then she emits a sound that could rival any siren.

We had a rough night and even a harder day. She is finally asleep - which means that she'll probably be up tonight....well - it IS her one month birthday...maybe she thought we'd party it up all night anyways.

Fun things she's doing now that she's a month:
- poops when I change her diaper - like WHILE I'm changing it and it gets everywhere

- turns to hear mine or Craig's voice - and it's sweet when she does!

- smiles at me or Craig

- some head control - she's not as floppy!

- is just pretty great

She has already outgrown her newborn onesies and little tees. I can't believe my baby girl is a month old! It's been a very challenging, exciting, exhausting, amazing month.

Happy 1 month birthday, Izzy!

Big girl!!

Daddy and Izzy - her onesie says "I can't wear pink everyday!"

It's hard work being a baby

Cutie pie in her birthday best!

Marty McFly: Wait a minute, Doc. Ah... Are you telling me that you built a time machine... out of a DeLorean

I have traveled through time.
It was pretty amazing. I didn't think it was possible.

All of a sudden - I blinked and 3 weeks have flown by.

My little newborn girl is now a baby. She isn't as snoozy, her head isn't as floppy, she's more alert...

Bittersweet.

I want her to grow. I can't wait until I can tickle her tummy and hear her laugh. She's already melted mine and Craig's heart with her smile that's nothing but gum.

We're learning her sounds, her cries, and cues - we're surviving the first few weeks and we're slowly getting a routine.

Bittersweet.

The hours during the day feel rushed while the night hours - around 9pm - drag on and on. Iz has a hard time between 9pm and 12am - she fusses and cries - and makes me realize that her needing me during that time are times that I hate in the moment but will miss in the future.

Bittersweet.

Craig has had to endure my psycho moments of little to no sleep. I miss the days of just "us" and miss the nights free of worry. But, I love seeing the man in my life hold our child - and hold my heart - and reassure me that our life will find normalcy soon.

Bittersweet.

I've been catapulted into the future and time isn't slowing down. I see the moments of my life swiftly pass me by as I watch my daughter change and grow before me. I look in the mirror and can see how the past 3 weeks have taken a toll on me. But, I see the dark circles under my eyes as a badge of endurance as I tackle another sleepless night, I see the slowly (and I mean SLOWLY) fading stretch marks as a badge of honor that shows the world that I gave birth to a miracle, and I see the wrinkles around my eyes as I grin from ear to ear as I look down my sweet Angel face baby.

Bittersweet...

"Don't even think about taking away my binky." - Izzy

So cute...and Izzy is alright too ;-)

Is it wrong I think it's funny when she fusses???

"Umm lady...you're crazy." - Izzy

She looks like a doll

"Man these arms are strong!" - Izzy

On the cat walk...she'll shake her little tush on the catwalk...

...by she...I mean...Izzy...

Rowr!

My little Izzy is going to be a knockout.

A stunner...

A heartbreaker...

Most likely - a model...

And no - I'm not bias.

A professional doctor - an M.D. - told Craig and I that we had a future model in our midst.

Yesterday - Craig and I took Iz to her 2 week doctor appointment. I was praying that she gained enough weight that she was back at her birth weight at 6 lbs 13 oz. She lost 9% of her birth weight and dropped down to 6 lbs 3 oz when we left the hospital.

Well - my little chow hound did it! She put on over a pound and was at 7 lbs 5 oz!! Woo hoo!

She's in the 10th percentile for her weight.

She's 21 inches long...in the 75 percentile!

We have a tall, skinny baby! The doctor said not to worry and that she's gaining weight well and to continue what I'm doing. Doc said we probably just have a future model :-)

I hope she has Craig's metabolism. Mine - not so good. But the problem is - I LOVE to eat. So - maybe she'll get the best of both worlds - my appetite and Craig's ability to burn it all!

She's pretty perfect, nonetheless :-)

"No - I didn't love her...

...immediately."

The question I get asked most often about Iz's birth is, "When you saw her, did you immediately fall in love?!?"

I look at the person who asked the question and wonder if they will understand my honesty when I say, "No - I didn't."

When I met Iz for the first time - I knew instantly that I had to protect her. I felt an overwhelming need to keep her safe, a huge responsibility to provide for her what she needed, and my Mama Bear mode went into overdrive.

But, love...no...I didn't feel it. I was shocked and ashamed when I looked at my daughter. I loved her - of course. But, the love that penetrates your soul - the kind I had for Craig, my family, my friends - that kind of love - I didn't feel it. This was hard to digest. How could I be a mother to this little creature if I wasn't in love with her?

Fast forward from her birth to about 36 hours later...

The nurse brings Izzy into our room around 3am for her feeding. Craig is sound asleep and I'm irritated because I'm exhausted. I'm annoyed because I was just on my way to a serious REM cycle when I get interrupted by the sound of the my daughter's cry for hunger. Ugh - what a terrible thing to admit. But, it's the truth.

The nurse walks out of the room, I adjust my pillows in order to nurse her, I lean over to pick up this screaming little jelly bean, and take a deep breath. "Here we go again...." I think to myself. I hear my voice in my head - and it's mean and agitated.

I pick her up. Switch on the reading light behind the hospital bed and look down. Iz has stopped crying and all I hear are her sighs from exhaustion. Then it happens.

We lock eyes. Her eyes are open wide and crocodile tears are streaming down her face. But, there's a calm about her now that she's in my arms. I go to wipe the tears from her chubby cheeks and five little fingers grasp mine.

My heart started to beat a little faster. I remember gasping a bit and realizing. "This is it. THE moment."

The moment when you think you know what love was but get proven wrong. Because THIS is love. I looked over at Craig asleep and down at Iz and realized that this was my family - she was our legacy. Her story is the sequel to mine and Craig's life.

So, do I love her? To say I'm in love with her now is such an understatement.

"Antelope"

or "Woolly Mammoth"

That's what Craig calls Izzy...to mock me...

She has multiple names...and I'm sure she is very confused when I use them all...

- Ms. Snoozy Paloozy (normally called this when I wake her up to feed)

- Sweet Bottom (she has a really cute tuckus)

- Baby Bear or just Bear

- Bug

- Angel Face - a favorite of mine

- Baby Face

- Stinky Stinkerson

Man, I love her!

Craig calls this her "off" position...

She's ready to be strapped onto my back for a trek up the mountains

Go Arsenal!

Craig and his girls...sigh....