Tuesday, January 26, 2010


Craig and I went to bible study on Sunday. We talked about how important communication in our marriage and the biblical principles that surrounded marriage.
One important aspect we touched on as a married group is the importance on putting your spouse before your children.

As a new parent, I am guilty of putting Isabelle's needs before Craig's. Of course - she needs me in different ways - in all ways - since she can't do anything for herself. Imagine if she could didn't need me for meals, to do her laundry, to clean her room...wait a sec...I do all these things for Craig too...hmmm ;-)

But, then someone brought up the number 216.

216 - that's the number of months until your kid turns 18 and is supposed to leave the house...

Seems like a big number, right?

Looking at it now....it seems very, very, small.

Biblically - we raise children up for them to leave us. And then after we leave, we have still have our spouse. That's why it's so important for husbands and wives to communicate with one another - to have regular date nights - to continue to get to know each other through the years when the kids are in the home. Because one day - the kids will leave. One of my greatest fears is Isabelle and maybe Baby H. #2 walking out the door and going off to school, leaving our home, and leaving behind 2 people who are now strangers.

What if they leave and I look at Craig and I don't know him anymore because of the time and effort we put into our kids and stopped putting effort towards our marriage? Will I know all of my childrens' favorite foods, favorite places, favorite stories, favorite hobbies but then look at the man I've been married to (God willing) for over 20 years and not know the man he evolved to while I was so focused on soccer games, cheerleading, PTA, etc?


Luckily - I have a really great husband who plans regular date nights, makes sure we have quiet time each day to reconnect and talk about our lives...

But, man, I am guilty of just wanting to head to bed after a long day, not say a word to anyone after Isabelle's been put down, and get some rest...

Motherhood is hard - no matter if you stay at home or work outside the home. You add a marriage in that - the work - truly - WORK that it involves to keep it exciting, relevant to the times, intimate, and really - just a priority...and that's a lot to squeeze in an 18 hour day.


The small little number also makes me rethink why I try to rush Isabelle. I'm always wishing her to do more. When she was a wee one - I kept wishing for her to just hold her head up, sit up, hold her bottle, play with her toys...

Now - I blinked and she's developed so quickly. She's sitting up, crawling, eating baby food, babbling and gasp - pulling up! Pretty soon I'll have a toddler...

Craig and I were talking about all of this and how quickly time is going by and how fast she's developing. He started to rub his head like he does when he gets upset and looks at me and says "Soon we'll have to deal with all the girl stuff..."

Really? And I laughed because after all this time he still can't look at me and talk maturely about - well - girl stuff...

At least I know after 216 months - I'll still have a husband that makes me laugh...

Thursday, January 21, 2010

7 months old!


Man, I heart this girl!!

There's a good chance I might have cried when Isabelle turned 7 months old on the 19th.

Holy Moly.... _____________________________________

I'll give you three guesses, blog readers, to what I'm about to say next:

  1. . "...I can't believe people still think wearing bras with clear plastic bra straps is a good substitute for a strapless one."
  2. "...the choice to get double beans instead of rice at the Mexican restaurant was not my greatest moment."
  3. "...I can't believe Isabelle is already 7 months old! Time flies!"

If you guessed 3, you are correct!

Ding! Ding! Ding!

I wish I could say things were easier. Being a Mommy is a lot of work and the work doesn't get easier - it just evolves into a different kind of hard.

When Isabelle was first born, I didn't know a thing about her. Her cries were foreign to me and I'd just stick a boob in her mouth in hopes of shutting her up, erm, soothing her. She was floppy, cute in an alien kind of way, and would sleep and sleep and sleep.

The months past and we went from not so floppy to a sturdy, rough, and tough baby girl. She's kind of brute. She's not the delicate little flower I had pictured in my mind - I thought for sure I'd have a gentle, cuddly little angel baby. But, Iz, she's still a sweet baby girl - just a brute. She bangs her toys, crawls (oh - did I mention that she crawls....) over - ok more like barrels over things, she hits and thinks its funny....and she is NOT a cuddler (sniff, sniff...)

She cries. And cries LOUD. She wants to make it known to everyone around her when she is not happy. And maybe she is trying to get back to her roots....since I'm pretty sure people in the Philippines can hear her. But, now I know her cries. I know her hungry cry, her bored cries, her poopy diaper cries, her tired cries, her whatthehellareyoudoingwoman cries.....and I normally remedy the situation before CPS knocks on my door.

She sleeps. BWAHAHAHA!

Whoo...sorry....I had to belt out that loud guffaw (I heart that word guffaw....I hope I'm using it right).

Isabelle was sleeping through the night at 4 months old. Then around 5 months - she started night waking. And yes, we cried it out. I was strong and didn't go to her. Craig was strong and pretended to be asleep, err, stayed sound asleep. We blame it on teeth. I blame everything on teeth. Which now we have 2 teeth...so 'tis ok. Kind of like how everyone blames the Republican party for the stall in the healthcare bill...no one knows how to fix it...so they have to blame someone or something....without much merit....(ooh - touchy, touchy....)

But, we're lucky. She sleeps from 7am - 5am and then back to bed after her 5am nurse about 4 days a week. The other 8 days out of the week - she wakes up repeatedly in the middle of the night grabbing her mouth and rolling around in her crib...poor baby (poor Mommy...)...

But Iz is a blast. She is so much fun! She is army crawling, laughs, loves to play, eats her cereal, fruits and veges, is still exclusively nursing (her decision...not mine), loves her Daddy, loves her doggies, loves bath time, loves music, loves it when I rap to her (and sing....but rapping is so much more me...I'm truly gangsta), loves playing with other kids, squeals when she's excited, shakes when she gets REALLY excited...

She is everything, I never knew, I always wanted :-)

Happy 7 months, baby girl! I am so proud of you!

Ready, set....CRAWL!

Move outta the way....

Check out my teeth!




Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Role reversal

My parents are half way around the world in the Motherland - aka - the Philippines. They will be there for an entire month - traveling, seeing friends and family, taking side trips around Asia and most importantly - heading up a medical mission in a province called Palawan.

The day before they left - I took them out to lunch and we talked about their itinerary, they played with Isabelle, and I bid them adieu.

Some last minute "list of things to do" came up - and they stopped by our house the night before and stayed for a couple of hours as talked about the things they needed me to take care of for the clinic, for their cars, and for their house.

I bid them adieu once more - told them to call me when they got checked in before their flight the next day.

Around 9:30am on the day of their flight - I called them to make sure they got checked in ok. Of course - my mom was engrossed in her Dan Brown novel and forgot to call. I said - "No problem!" And just to please call or text me or one of my sisters when they arrived in San Francisco for their layover.

Hmmm....8pm that night. No phone call. My sister's hadn't heard from them and our calls went straight to voicemail.

Finally - after 10pm central time - I called my parents AGAIN - finally - my Mom picks up....laughter in the background.

Mom: "Hello?"

Me: "Mom! You or Dad were supposed to call us when you got there!"

Mom: "Oh yeah. Sorry - we met up with your Tatay (my grandfather) and the rest of the family and went out to eat."

Me: "Well - we were worried. You need to call us."

Mom: "Ok - sorry."

Me: "Ok - but make sure to call when you land in the Philippines. We may have a hard time calling you since it's international."

{Mom laughing. Dad in the background talking}

Mom: "Ok"

Me: "Did you hear me? What did I say?"

Mom: "You asked how the flight was."

Me: "NO! Listen to me! Make sure to call or text one of us when you land in the Philippines. What did I just say?"

Mom: "Call you when we land...ok...ok...have to go! Bye - we'll call you tomorrow!"

Me: "Mom...-"

....Dial tone...

Hmm...I replayed the conversation over and over in my head.

Why did it sound so familiar? Was it deja vu?

Nope - it's the same conversation I had with my parents many, many moons ago when I was a tween and teen..and forgot to call them when I got to so and so's house...the same conversation I had when I made the road trip from home back to college and I rushed to get ready to hit up the bar or party with my friends and forgot to call.

Man - what was I thinking!

The worry I must have put my parents through. And the worry that inevitably Iz will put Craig and I through.

A simple phone call to ease anxious minds. A simple phone call to stop the pacing. A simple phone call. The many calls I "forgot" or intentionally forgot to make and the anxiety I must have put my parents through as they waited to hear my voice - safe and sound.

Now - years later - the simple phone call they forgot to make and the foreshadowing of what's to come in my future with Isabelle (the excuses, the "I forgot's, the "I'm sorrys)....

Oh boy...

Payback' a B*%$CH!

Friday, January 15, 2010

Everything I learned about parenting

I learned in the past 6 months....

And I'm pretty sure in the next 6 more months...all those tricks and rules are going to go out the window..

There are a few things that I'm sure of:
  • Once you get a routine - give it a week or so - and be ready for that routine to be obsolete. I am all about making sure Iz gets up, eats, naps, plays, starts bedtime - all around the same time everyday. Sometimes the fact that I'm so rigid with her routine - sets her up for failure. If we are 30 minutes late for lunch or I decide that it's more important for me to try on those size 2 jeans again (and cry because they still don't fit) at the mall....she flips out - melts down - and we leave in tears (me - cuz of the jeans, her cuz she's tired and hungry...) And my baby Bug...she can't tell time yet (I know...we're working on it) - so even though she slept through the night for 4 months straight...once those teeth came in - the fact that it was 3am - welp -she doesn't really care (and neither do the teeth)...and she screams and cries...

  • The crib was the Devil's creation - really - why does it have to be so hard to put it together, adjust the level of the mattress, and change the dang crib sheets. Craig and I don't really fight (that's because I'm always right....hehehe) - but when we had to lower Iz's crib down a level because she has started to pull up...there were lots of 4 and 5 letter words trying to figure out how to do it. And the changing of the crib sheets...you add in the changing of the bumper...let's just say there have been moments where I think "Does she really need the sheets changed again...I mean...she'll never know..." But, of course, I am a germ-a-phobe - and change the sheets weekly with lots of grumbling and more 4 and 5 letter words.
  • I love the U.S. and A....I really do. But something's up when people who have bad intentions get on airplanes but yet...BUT YET...there is maximum security on ALL toys. Christmas day - we were so excited to get Isabelle's toys out to play with them. But, it turned out it would take us until New Year's Day to get all of the toys out in their entirety. The twisty ties that hold toys in the case, the plastic that surrounds them, and the layers of tape that encircle the dang thing....really, REALLY?!?
Raising a baby. Raising a kid...you think you know...but you have NO IDEA! And that's what's so fun about it :-)

Monday, January 11, 2010

He caught me

Maybe it was the nostalgia from the day.

I threw a baby shower for my sweet friend Lisa. And when I say "threw" - I really mean - I made a few sandwiches, cleaned my house (ok not really - the housekeeper came and Roomba helped), set out some chairs - and the most of the guests brought the rest of the food. Ms. Manners already sent me an email and shook her e-finger at me ;-)

She looks great...I need to get to the gym more...blech...


All the itty, bitty, baby clothes and the teeny tiny diapers...and the excitement of a new baby - stayed with me the rest of the day.

Isabelle and Craig went to church and to his parent's house in the morning and stayed all day so I could get ready for the shower and enjoy some time with my friends without Iz.
And I missed her....and Craig...but really...mainly her.

I realized that I have an unhealthy attachment to her. I kind of like the kid. She's the cat's meow...the bee's knees...pretty great. Even when she says mean things to me.

{insert video of Iz talking and it's super cute but it's taking 10 hours to upload it onto youtube}

I put her to bed around 7pm and decided I needed to get to bed myself soon after. Since Iz has been waking up every night for the past couple of weeks - I've only had about 3 hours a night of sleep - so I knew that bedtime at 8pm was a must.

I checked on her right before I went to bed. I looked down at her in her crib and realized how big she has gotten. I laid my hand on her chest to feel her breathe, said my nightly prayer over her, and then her little hand moved down to mine and those chubby fingers grabbed a hold of one of mine.

I stayed there and watched her sleep for about 10 minutes and decided it was time to let her sleep. I curled up under the duvet, checked my phone to make sure it was on silent, went to hit the "lock' button but hit the camera option instead.

It took me to the pictures and I started to scroll down. I looked at pictures of her birth all the way to a few days ago. I just can't believe how quickly time has flown by. All of a sudden I have this kid that is babbling, sitting up, crawling, starting to pull up and stand...when did this happen?

Sometimes it feels like my heart can't take it. The speed at which life is happening scares me. I don't feel like I take enough moments to enjoy her - and it's really bad when I don't get sleep and spend days in a haze of exhaustion and just count the hours until Craig gets home.

I started to cry. Ok - really - I started to sob. The kind of sobbing that is ugly. The kind of crying where your eyes are red, your nose is dripping, your glasses are fogging up....not the pretty Hollywood cry. Craig was in the living room watching a movie that had lots of explosions and car chases - so I figured he wouldn't hear me.

Then - the door opens. Uh oh - he caught me. He walks over to me...yes... I'm still under the covers - but I'm holding my tear soaked phone, look at him through the fog of my glasses, fighting through the big gulps and hiccups...and say, "I'm fiiiiine....*hiccup*. I *gulp* am just saaad."

He says, "Are you sad about Bug?"

Me: *hee hee huh* "Yess...it's happening too fast..." *SOB*

Him: "I know. But that's what they do. They grow up."

And he gives me a hug and goes back to his spy thriller.

I decided it was time to surrender to my exhaustion, put up the phone, wipe my tears, blow my nose, and go to bed.

30 years old...and I cried myself to sleep....p.a.t.h.e.t.i.c....

Thursday, January 7, 2010


Craig worked from home today since the bridges he normally takes into Dallas were icy at 5:30am on his normal commute.
I noticed something today about how we eat breakfast.


Start time: 8:00 AM
  • sit down at table, pour creamer into coffee
  • wipe Iz's face off since she just ate
  • give her tupperware lid to play with
  • get up to make omelet
  • start omelet
  • Iz drops lid - give her a new toy
  • finish making omelet
  • put on plate
  • clean pan and spatula
  • start a load of laundry
  • walk by Iz's room and notice her humidifier is still on
  • turn off humidifier and organize changing table
  • pick up her room and pick out her clothes for the day
  • put towel back into her bathroom
  • wipe down the sink and feel that the soap dispenser is getting close to empty
  • refill soap dispenser
  • walk back to table to eat breakfast
  • sit down - Iz starts to fuss
  • put her in the bouncy
  • sit back down - take a sip of coffee - it's cold - put coffee in microwave
  • open microwave and realize it needs to be wiped down
  • wipe down microwave and decide since I have the sponge - I might as well wipe down the counter tops and the sink
  • sit down at table again - Iz get fussy
  • sing her a song and redirect her attention
  • sit back down to eat my omelet that's now cold
  • Iz really fussy - probably time for her nap
  • lay Iz down for her morning nap
  • go back to table and sit down for breakfast
  • eat breakfast
End time: 9:15 A.M.


Start time: 8:00 A.M.
  • sit down at table, pour creamer in coffee
  • pour cereal and milk into a bowl
  • eat breakfast
End time: 8:10 A.M.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010


it snowed in DFW yesterday...
Ok - not really - more like 2-3 weeks ago....but let's pretend it was yesterday or better yet - this morning - so my picture post will be in "real time"

First snow...

Monday, January 4, 2010

Choosing the skinny vanilla latte...

...instead of the Caramel Brulee Latte. Because let's be honest - if you're gonna spend $5 on coffee - get something good

That's the kind of regret I feel these days.

Last week - I was chatting with an acquaintance (why does that word need to have a "C"...sorry...I digress...) - about how crazy the past year has been.

She asked me about Isabelle and about being a stay at home mom. We talked about how soon - many of my friends from medical school - will be done with school and get their M.D. degrees and start residency. We talked about how fast time has flown since recently and how Father Time hit the fast forward button on all my days.

Then she asked, "Do you regret not going to back to school right way after Isabelle was born? You could almost be done."

Since she wasn't a really close friend, I just answered "Of course not." And changed the subject. Because any other answer - well it just wouldn't be right....

Then, I had a chance to think about it - really think about it.

If I said I DID regret it - regret not going back right away - it would seem like the past few months of being a stay at home mother would be cheated somehow. If I DID regret it - I feel like I'd still be able to hold onto a part of my identity that I had nourished for so many years - the part of me that was career driven and wanted to be a doctor. If I said I DID regret it - I'd still be something more than "just" a mom.

But, really, I don't.

I don't regret stepping back and taking time out for my family. I tend to minimize the importance of my station in life since some view staying at home as something of less importance than a full time career. Now, 6 months into this thing - I feel confident and proud of where I am and who I am as a mother. I've never felt so sure of my role and purpose as I do today.
I still have career aspirations but I realize it's not the be all, end all if I don't finish within the "allotted" amount of time.

I'm raising child to be a good person and nurturing the heart of an eternal soul.

I regret eating that donut hole (or 6 donut holes) after a work out. I regret the thong I wore that was one size too small. I regret the time I ate 6 Fiber One bars in a row...

But regret the choice to be a full time mom over my career - nope - not for a second.

What a blessing!

 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker