J.O.U.R.N.E.Y: Me vs. F.T.

I didn't know I would love my daughter so much. I didn't think having a girl would change my world. I didn't think that I'd look into her eyes see so much of Craig and fall deeper in love with the man in my life.

Father Time (F.T.) has not been kind to me. He's decided that he's in absolute great health and run a triathalon all over the time with my daughter. He's been a speed demon - making sure that each day passes as I blink and force me to look at Izzy every morning with amazed eyes at the change she goes through every night as she slumbers.

**I shake my fist at you Old Man!!!**

I've realized that I love my little Izzy...exactly...my little Izzy. Yes, I know - don't get all preachy on me - I know she's only 2 months old (huh - when did 2 months pass??) - but I love her this little. I love her needing me for everything. I love her sweet little whimpers in the middle of the night so I can rush to her to nurse. I love her sweet sighs as she nurses and watching her little hands wrap around my fingers as we share our special time in the middle of the night.

I love holding up her onesies as I fold them during laundry days and realize I get to love something that small. I love gummy smiles. I love watching her arms and legs flail out as she does her best impersonation of a star fish (doctors call it the "startle" reflex...I think it was God's way of making babies even cuter).

So - yeah - I want to keep her this small. I'm not ready to surrender her over to the days and let Father Time take more minutes and hours from me. I know it's her job to grow - I know it's what she's supposed to do. I know that she's supposed to reach her milestones - smile, laugh, hold her head up, sleep through the night.

But.

But.

BUT!! That' means that my bitty baby will be a toddler before I realize it. That means that I'll be sending my baby girl to her first day of school - pigtails and lunch box in tow - before I come to terms that time doesn't stand still just because I beg and plead (through tears - mind you) for it to. But I want to keep her this small for just Craig and me to love as our little baby girl for as long as possible.

*Sigh*

I can't win.

Her cries are different. We have a routine. She slept through the night for the first time last night. She is smiling and laughing and making her Mama tear up every time she flashes her gummy cuteness. She's working out her bitty arms and neck and holding up her perfect little head. She's outgrown her newborn and some 0-3 month onesies. We spend so much time chatting and singing songs. She is starting to love us back! She has long legs now extend past the length of her Boppy. She's a big girl....and it's only been 2 months.

So now - I just try my best to savor each moment. Even her red faced tantrums and her angry fits. It's the seconds and minutes that roll over into hours and days - that I can't stop. I'll eventually come to terms with it - but for now - I'll just enjoy watching my little Izzy and loving my best girl for the little miracle that she is!