I should be arrested

For so many things.

Before you actually call the po-po and send them to my house, the only thing I should probably be arrested for is my infatuation with an underage animal.

I could hear my heart start pounding and an audible gasp *from my 30 year old mouth* as the werewolf of my dreams appeared on the big screen in his human form.

The 17 year old boy - he's a BOY for goodness sake - made me swoon out loud. Dang, Jacob! The "Twilight" series chose well.

Ok - maybe that's pushing it. So, keep the shiny handcuffs (I'll take the fuzzy ones though...oops...sorry underage readers...) to yourself real life police people.

I really should be arrested by the "fun police."

I am the ruiner of fun.

I break all the laws on good times....at least in the world of a toddler.

Because all things fun are hazardous to her health and cause my blood pressure to rise to the "n"th degree.

I feel like I should apologize to her for ruining her fun.

You know the kind...the kind of fun:
- the fun that involves handling sharp object.

- or running with toys in your mouth that could easily break and become choking hazards

- or making you slow down when you eat as you stuff the billionth Goldfish in your mouth causing you to resemble a non-furry cousin of "The Chipmunks"

- or tell you "no" as you attempt to take off the plug covers that could cause you to look like Don King

- or make you sit down in the tub as you nearly crack open your skull from the slippery water

- or prevent you from getting some kind disease as I pull you away from the toilet bowl...it's NOT a splash park in there!

- or ask you to slow down as I become your shadow when you attempt to run - when you just learned how to walk just a couple of weeks ago - your balance and agility take time young Grasshopper

- or turn off the T.V. after you stand inches away from the 57" mesmerized and zombie-ized by A Gabba, a Wonder Pet, an Olivia, etc...

All these things I do out of love and for the safety of my little ankle biter.

But, I do allow lots of fun things:

- like after dinner dance parties. With her signature knee bending and one arm raising moves, Daddy's moves that resemble something from the "Matrix" and my moves that could easily land me a spot on "So You Think You Can Dance."

- like singing every song I can think of to make her smile and laugh

- like letting her splash in puddles or play in the rain

- like trying new, fun things - like ice cream, chocolate, and cookies...for breakfast...

Ok - so maybe arresting me is kind of extreme.

But, if there is a crime for loving a little girl as much as I do....then lock me up..and throw away the key!!!