Serial apologizer

"Hello, my name is Czarina. And I'm an apologizer."

**Blog readers please reply**

"Hello, Czarina."

I'm stuck in a rut of apology. I do it all the time. EVERY TIME.

Every time someone walks into my house.

I apologize.

I apologize for the mess...

For the toys on the ground.

For the dirty dishes in the sink.

For the laundry piled high - on the floor, in the hall, on the couch.

For the half empty baby bottles strewn around the house.

For the baby sock that found it's way on the stove.

For the clumps of dog hair that litter my wood floors.

For the mini hand prints that are on windows that are streaked and filthy.

For the layer of dust that once was invisible to a very visible layer - on the blinds, on the end tables, on the T.V., on the mantle.

For the hippo, the duck and the star fish (that sounds like an awesome beginning to a joke..) that have made their way into the bathroom sink and are on vacation until bath time.

For the cold meal sitting on the table - a resemblance of a breakfast or lunch that was truly meant to be eaten - but something (**ahem** Isabelle ** ahem**) - prevented the delicious bowl of cereal or frozen pizza from getting into my tummy.

For the bathrooms that have soap scum, rings around the tub, and the toilet that could the stunt double for a toilet of any rest stop on Route 66.

For this that didn't get cleaned, scrubbed, washed, swept, mopped, dusted, picked up...

I do. I apologize profusely for the state of my house.

I try to be the clean one. I used to be the clean freak. I want to be that freak of nature again that would stay up until the house was shiny. But, now I'm tired. I have this thing called a kid that constantly needs me or needs something. I think of it as major accomplishment that she stays clean. At least I keep her face clean, her hands washed, her clothes reasonably presentable.

I'm not trying to blame Iz for my lack of cleanliness. I just realize that I don't have huge chunks of time to get things done like I used to. Now that I'm back at work part time - it's really, really hard to keep things tidy.

Don't be too quick though, blog friends, to nick name me Oscar or write to A&E and get my house on "Hoarders". I don't want to live like this - I truly want a very clean, picked up, new car smell kinda house. I have a fantastic lady that comes once a month to do the deep cleaning but the in between time - I am just scrambling to keep the hall ways free and clear for human passage.

I used to have a list of people that I would clean for. It would include family, friends, the cable guy, the phone guy, the lawn people...

But, I realized one morning when I woke up at 5am to clean my house (after Iz had been up since 3:30am) - for the guy to repair my ceiling - I found myself in tears from exhaustion as I tried to pick up and mop for the stranger who doesn't give a hoot about the dirty dishes in my sink.

I realized that I needed to let it go. To stop the compulsion to clean and the mean things (the LIES) I would say in my head about me - TO ME - "failing as a wife and a mother since I'm a stay at home mom and my job is to keep my house clean."

I still apologize every now and then. Now, it's more of a habit. I don't really care if the guy from Dish Network calls his buddies and tells them he saw 5 million toys on the ground. I pick up for company and wipe down sinks, counters, bathrooms, sweep and mop at least once a week - but I don't do the crazy dance and wake up at 5am to get it done anymore.

I do what I can. I clean and pick up between tantrums, between meals and during naps...which friends..isn't a lot of time.

So here's the deal.

Real life friends - don't be me. Don't be a serial apologizer. At least don't apologize if I ever come over and your house isn't how you want it. I get it. I really don't mind the toys on the ground, the dishes in the sink, the dust, the laundry. I think it gives your - and my - house character ;-)

Imagine a world where we would walk into each other's home - messes and all - and we as sisters united to not apologize for the beautiful mess that is our life - and we knew - we really knew - it was totally and utterly ok to not have our houses pristine.

Unite friends...unite.

**And we all join hands and yell in unison**

"YA! YA!"