Because Mommy is busy

...I'm picking up the slack at our household. Let me tell you....I don't know if I can handle this anymore. I am very busy crawling everywhere, standing, trying to climb out of my play area and crib, chasing the dogs and pulling their tails, eating puffs, eating Stage 3 foods, eating....well pretty much anything that my Mommy gives me.

I have a lot to do. I'm cutting my top two teeth. I'm dancing with my maraca as my Daddy plays his guitar. I'm trying to gain weight but I just seem to be getting taller. My Mama needs to head to the mall - these high wadder pants she has me in just aren't cuttin' it. She thinks that if she pulls up my socks tall enough - it'll make up for the 1/2 inch of space that is left between my ankle and my knee.

I've been busy at parties, busy playing in the snow, busy crying (ok - not really crying - but I have this awesome whine, high pitched screeching sound, with the super sad frown face - it gets the big people every time), busy trying to sleep through the night (and no matter what the Mommy tells you - I really do try - but sometimes I just want to know what's going on outside my crib...at 1am, 3am, and 5am in the morning.) I'm busy singing - my favorites are ABC's, Twinkle Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and a Mommy original - "Who Dat, Who Dat, Who Dat Baby..."

I'm busy playing with my friend Julie and playing with my cousins twice a week while Mommy goes to the kitchen to bake yummy cake balls.

Did you know she forgot to tell everyone that I turned 8 months on the 19th. I'm practically a grown up! She also failed to share with you big people that today is my Daddy's bday! He's really, really, really old. He counts his birthdays in YEARS! He's 32 years old today.

Really - Mommy is super busy with me, too.

I can be quite the handful. Did she ever tell you that she gets up with me everyday, gets up with me in the middle of the night, sings songs to me, crawls and chases me, makes baby food for me, does my laundry, gives me baths, keeps me entertained (because I get bored very, very, easily)? She tells me she loves me, hugs me tight, and gives me kisses until I laugh SO hard!

So - she's a busy lady. But don't give up on her big people. She said she promises to blog more often.

To tied you over...here's the birthday poem I wrote my Daddy for his bday!

When I was just a baby, you changed my poopy diaper and didn’t make a face.

You pray with me and show me God’s love by your own walk in Grace.

You chase me and let me crawl all over you, no matter how tired you may be.

When you get home from work, you throw me and around and make me say “Whee!”

You feed me dinner – even though some may get in my hair.

When you check on me at night, I know you love me and care.

You read me lots of books and make voices at all the right parts.

Daddy did you know – that you already have my heart?

You let me play with dogs – even though Mommy freaks out.

You let me be baby – never raising your voice or ever shout.

You help with my bath and dress me for bed.

Did you know my favorite part – is when you kiss me on my forehead?

I love being your, Kiddo, you’re the best Daddy ever.

I’ll be your baby girl, now, today and forever.

Happy birthday, Daddy!

Maraca!!

Dinner with my favorite people

Charleigh loves me :-)

My buddies - Thomas and Patrick

Jonah, Ms Mel and me (sorry for the stink face)

Girls just wanna have fun

Dancin' queen at Gracie's dress up bday party!

Old

Me.

I am old. And when I say old - in my mind I'm a 13 year old that used to think 30 was ancient...but now..I AM 30...

Craig jokes that I'm like Mr. Burns from the "Simpsons." I have a 90 year old body in my actual 30 year old being.

In my mind, I'm really no older than 21.

21 because it's the legal drinking age and I - gasp! - never drank before that ;-)

There are days where I wish I could hit happy hour with my girls, put on my heels and dance til dawn.

Then I remember that I eat dinner at 5pm because anything later will upset my stomach and aggravate my acid reflux.

And then I'm reminded that I have back spasms and so much back pain that dancing til dawn will just make the pain worse - and soaking in a hot bath, rubbing Ben Gay on my back, and applying cold/heat - is probably the better idea.

I'm ailing.

Really - I finally gave in and decided to see a doctor about this dang back. Four months of this and I've thrown in the towel. I decided it was time when Iz held her arms up for me to hold her, I tried to bend down, and just couldn't handle the pain and didn't pick up my sweet Angel.

God created me to be her Mommy - and it killed my spirit and broke my heart when I couldn't hold my baby girl.

So, I called the doctor and I'm set to go.

Then a friend called me and told me she had an appointment to see a Gastroenterologist (aka stomach doc) because she may have diverticulitis. Basically - it's kind of like an appendicitis but of your colon - OUCH! And for the record - it normally only affects individuals in their 60s.

She called me right after she saw the specialist - and yup - my 30 year old friend is the rare exception and has diverticulitis.

An old person's disease.

When did this happen? Forget about me whining about how fast Iz is growing up - when did I suddenly check the box 30-35? Who is that person in the mirror with the laugh lines around her eyes (hey - and I laugh a LOT so you can imagine how many there actually are)? Wait - is that a grey hair? Hold on - why are some body parts no longer defying the laws of gravity and are inches from touching the ground?

Old.

Where is vampire venom when you need it?
{True vamp fans know what this means and if you don't get it - sorry for ya}

And when I say old

Snow Day

Hey - did you hear that it snowed in Dallas?

12" in one day....

The pics we took were taken in under 1 minute since it was snowing so hard, it was really cold, and the only jacket she had was 3 sizes too small...poor Baby Bug :-)

Playing inside is much more fun....cold weather isn't for me!

Dear...

July 3, 2009

Dear Czarina,
Hi me. I thought I'd write you a little note. Everyone says hindsight is 20/20. I never understood that, truly got it, until I became a Mother. Now that our little girl is over 7 months old...well...wow. Just wow...

I know you find yourself in tears a lot. You don't understand why you are crying so much and you don't understand why Iz is crying. You feel like you are doing everything by the book -but at times - it just doesn't seem like anything is working.

Me - I want you to know - it's absolutely normal to feel like you're doing everything wrong. By just wanting to be the best mom to Isabelle - you ARE the best mom for her.

I know you keep wishing for her to do more. I know you grow tired of her just laying there and sleeping. I know you can't wait to get out of the house with her and have a normal life again. I know you are begging for a routine. You get tired of holding her because you have so many things to do - clean the house, check your email, make meals.

But, Me, please stop for a second. You probably won't believe it - but Iz doesn't even want to be held now. She would rather play and crawl and stand. She'll smile in a few weeks for you and then she'll start laughing. And before you know it - she'll be sitting up, rolling over, then crawling. Don't rush it, Me. Please don't.

I know You keep asking friends and family for advice on how to get through the first few weeks. The absolute best advice I can give you, Me, is to just stop. Stop wishing the time away and hold our sweet girl. Look and memorize her features. Engrain the sweet baby smell and the absolute soft touch of her skin. Tuck away those sweet sighs Iz makes when she nurses and the sound of her little newborn cries. Don't every forget those moments - because it passes by so quickly.

But, Me, I want you to know that it does get better. Our girl is SO fun. She is the most amazing little creation (I know - I'm bias). But, I look at her sweet face - and see God's grace, see my joy, and see a creation made out of pure love from Craig and me. Iz is smart. She loves to listen to music, loves to tap her little foot to beats, loves to crawl, loves to stand. She is a trooper and will give up her swaddle blanket and paci. I know - you don't believe me, Me. But she does. She will eventually sleep through the night - but Me - know you never will. You will still wake and rush to her, put your hand on her chest, and feel the rhythmic motion of her breathing.

I know nursing is a PITA. But, what if I tell you, Me, that 7 months later, you'll feel sad knowing that your milk supply is dropping and you'll have to start formula soon. I know - you don't believe it. You'll get through this - just like you'll get through the next 6 months.

Me - hold her. Hold her and cherish every second. Don't waste time stressing over a sink full of dishes, baskets full of laundry, those last few pounds of baby weight. All those things - they'll take care of themselves. What if I tell you that 7 months later - you'll wake up after 3 hours of sleep, pass by a mountain of toys left on the ground, see a little baby sock that somehow end up in the dog's dish, glance over at a sink full of dirty dishes - most baby bottles and little baby bowls, walk by the utility room that is exploding with dirty clothes (mainly little footie PJs and onesies), and into Iz's room - see her standing in her crib - and see your little girl's face light up with the biggest grin - just because you walked into the room. Would you believe me - that that simple moment - makes all the other stuff - just well - stuff...and it's not as significant as you thought.

Me - you'll get through it. But I hope you know that the getting through it - the sleepless nights, the teething, the fevers, the tantrums - all these things are just as great as the laughs, the smiles, and way Iz rests her hand on our face and gives us a grin.

Hindsight and all...don't let it pass you by.

Love,
Me (February 9, 2010)

Keeping my mouth shut

Do you ever think to yourself "what in world have I gotten myself into?"

Hmm...

I do this a lot.

Like when I thought for sure me squeezing my post baby body into a pair of pre-baby jeans a couple of months after I had Isabelle - for a night out on the town - and midway through the drive to Dallas I started to lose feeling in my thighs. And I still had a night of dinner ahead of me...well...that was one of those moments.

Blog readers, you probably wonder where I've been. What the heck I've been doing with all my time. I'm sure those that have faith in me truly and utterly believe that I am nurturing my little mini-me and using all my spare time to care for my home, for my child and my husband. Because, I am a full time mother - and I'm staying at home full time.

FULL TIME.

That's my gig.

So, why in the world did I decide to add onto my FULL TIME gig with another job...ok...a full time job and a part time job.

I promise you this - my blog won't turn into an infomercial about my new businesses.

The fact that I sell awesome Scentsy products - wickless candles for your home, work and car. It's safe for the family (wax never exceeds body temperature), the warmers are super cute and the amazing scents. Well - I promise you I won't talk about it. Just go to my site and buy the stuff already. You'll be so glad you did.

And I promise you I won't talk about my new, super duper business venture with my sister. You won't hear me talk about Zen Baking Company. You won't hear me talk about how amazing our cake balls are. You won't hear me tell you that you can have them shipped across the city, across the state, across the nation - and they'll be as pretty and as yummy as if they just left our kitchens. You won't hear me talk about how Zen Baking Company gives 1% of our proceeds every month to a charity. You won't hear me talk about how our customers get to decide which charities. And all people have to do is buy cake balls. Yummy, yummy cake or cookie dough balls from Zen Baking Company. Nope - not one bit. You won't hear me talk about it.

What you will talk about is how much I love Isabelle and how much I love being a wife. Ya'll already know this. But, let's discuss my life the last week or so - shall we...

So - I've been busy. Getting ready to launch the website for Zen Baking Company (I swear - this is the last time) and catching up on the transition to our spring line for Scentsy.

I'm either at the computer, in the kitchen trying out recipes, on the phone trying to get our cake balls as the product for an event....

Poor baby Bug. She is getting the short end of the stick here. I think she sat in her bouncy and cried for 10 minutes because I was on the phone with a customer. I'm pretty sure the lady in Boston I talked to about her order didn't appreciate Isabelle's cries as I tried to change her poopy diaper.

I'm sure I broke all sorts of rules as I popped Iz in her high chair as I tried new recipes in the kitchen and gave her empty (but clean) plastic containers to play with. I'm pretty sure one of them said - "do not give to children - choking hazard." But for whatever reason, the dang lid to the cottage cheese container was the only thing in the house that would keep her happy (mind you - we have toys - lots of them, big ones, small ones, noisey ones, quiet ones...)

I'm sure my husband - my sweet, patient, husband (who faithfully reads my blog)- - didn't appreciate the fact that we had cold pizza and left overs twice in one week. The fact that I'm up to my ear balls (wait - eye balls) - in trying to put orders into Scentsy (really - no more business talk) and finish the spread sheet to figure out costs of cake balls for Zen Baking Company...and completely letting dishes pile up, laundry to amass in the corner (there was morning when I heard Craig rifling through our drawers and I secretly thought "oh crap - I hope he has underwear..."), letting Iz cry it out in the bouncy....all to get these two businesses up and running.

"What have I gotten myself into?"

Easy - I want a life at home with Isabelle and Craig.

Medical school is still a possibility - just not now. But, I knew that if I didn't take these leaps into the business world - selling Scentsy and starting a business from scratch in Zen Baking Co. - I knew I'd never have the cojones to do it. I never knew how important being at home with Iz would mean to me. Granted - I'm not home with her 2 mornings a week while I work in the kitchen and granted I'm still on the computer while she crawls around in her play cage and granted I'm on a conference call while I'm nursing....but I'm here. I still get to see her sleepy face when she wakes up. I get to take breaks - leave my office aka spare bedroom - and sing songs to my baby Bug.

I'm stretched so thin now - with time, energy, emotions - I could probably snap.

But, I look at my life I've made these 7 or so months with Isabelle and Craig and I know in my heart this is where I belong.

So - "what in the world have I gotten myself into?''

A beautiful, crazy mess that is my new life as a work from home mom.

Join me, blog readers, as we enter into this new world together...

Tight rope

I really never went to the circus as a kid. Clowns scare me.

But, one act that always amazed me was the tight rope walkers. I mean, come on! Walking in a straight line and trying to keep your balance - I only had to do that once in the middle of the night, after I had left a party and the copped stopped me...wait...err..never mind...

But really, it's a balancing act that takes true skill.

And it's something that all mother's have to master.
Walking the tight rope.

something I've realized is that parenting is all about balance. You don't want to go in one direct too far and when you realize you may doing something wrong, you quickly have to readjust yourself or you're going to fall, or fail.

Balancing act #1 - the nursing act - I was sure by the time Iz was 6 months old she would be completely weaned from breast feeding and on formula full time. I teeter tottered throughout the first couple of months - should I give her formula, should I just nurse her? I knew that if I nursed her exclusively it would be beneficial for her immunity. But then I also knew that if I introduced formula at a feeding or two, it would get her used to bottle feeding and formula in general. So, I walked that tight rope - leaning one way towards only nursing...realizing I had to try formula soon...but I had walked the tight rope too long...and I couldn't get my balance back - and now my soon to be toddler is completely turned off by formula and won't take one sip of it. Oops - off the rope I went...

Balancing act #2 - the playmate act - I want to be Isabelle's best friend and not just her milk cow. Craig walks into the door and you'd think Edward Cullen walked in...she is THAT happy. But, since I'm with her throughout the day, I can't be up in her two teethed mini grill all day. I have shows to watch, er, chores to do. More importantly, I want her to learn a bit of independence and I need to be ok with allowing her to play independently. I try to balance my time with her - giving her time to play in her baby cage as I work out on the elliptical, every once in a while she'd look up from her toys, give me a smile as I huff and puff to Rhianna, and go back to playing. Then there are times I put her down, take two steps from her baby cage, and she screams like she just saw the Volturi (sorry...I am re-reading "Breaking Dawn"...vamps on the brain). I try to balance both - walking the tight rope as her playmate and showing her it's ok to have alone time (and how absolutely awesome alone time can be...spoken like a mom who lacks alone time, eh).

Balance act #3 - the ouchie act - I don't ever want Isabelle to be in any pain. Her cries when she's upset are sad enough. And I know when she hurts, man, her cries are down right heart breaking. But now that she's crawling and pulling up AND cruising, I can't put her in a bubble wrap suit and move into a gigantic bounce house. Hold on a sec...how awesome would that be...sorry...I'm weird. So, she's a 7 month old on her way to toddler hood. On her way to terrorizing my beautiful, little house. Before she becomes Satan, aka, a toddler, she needs to learn how to stand and walk. But her tiny little stick chub legs are still learning balance - and she's going to fall. And when she falls - she's going to get ouchie's. And then she's going to cry. And then I'm going to feel bad for letting her fall even though I know in my heart there is NO way I can follow her around all day. And then I'm going...you get it. Trying to balance protecting her and letting her learn on her own...

So what do we do Mommies? How do we balance and walk the tight rope? Because let's be real...there we'll face different balancing acts as we go through motherhood. Welp - we wear harnesses. Harnesses composed of other Mommies who've been there, harnesses of friends who are willing to take your calls of frustration, and harnesses composed of spouses who are supporting us and rooting us on. We're going to try to walk it. We're going to lean one way too far sometimes and maybe even fall. But, we're not going to do it alone. Rely on those around you - those that love you - to pull you back up and catch you before you fall.